Humans are one if not the only species that feels the need to rationalize our behavior by creating narratives that frequently stray far from reality. We see this in everyday life, someone on a diet stops for fast food on the way home and offers up the reason that they didn't have time to cook that night. Deep down they may realize that this is not true but will shift the blame to another portion of their life that makes this slip-up feel like less of a failure. In this case, our culture idolizes hard work, so this person jumps on an idea surrounding that. They tell themselves that it's ok to be so busy with work that other parts of your life take a spot on the backburner. This shift of responsibility offers a happier explanation for their behavior than reality should dictate. We do this because it fits into the neat and coherent narrative that we are all building regarding our decisions in life.
Take a second to think about one of these moments. It shouldn’t take long, as we are all doing it constantly. You may believe you followed that “diet” perfectly - but think deeper. There was probably that one weekend where you ate like shit because you were celebrating or earned it. In most life cases, this would be considered a failure, yet you don’t see it that way because you were able to shift the responsibility of your slip up to, “I was just enjoying life” or “I worked out extra, so I earned it”. By doing this you take what would have gone down in the book as an error and replaced it with a home run. Constant avoidance of recognizing these errors is particularly troubling when we look at the way our brain learns and changes behaviors.
When you fuck up or make an error your brain automatically releases a cocktail of neurochemicals that are designed to make you learn. When looking back at our evolution, this makes sense. Thousands of years ago forgetting to sharpen your spear before a hunt may have been the difference between life or starvation. This is why your brain releases neuromodulators like Epinephrine (Adrenalin) and Acetylcholine when you make a mistake. These chemicals give you focus and energy which leads to the frustration and anger associated with making errors. While you may not enjoy these feelings, it's how your nervous system signals that it's time to change. When these chemicals are released, a neuroplastic state is triggered, and your brain begins to change.
Think back to the time you offered the wrong explanation or answer during a class or meeting in front of your peers and colleagues. You probably felt embarrassed, your HR increased, your vision narrowed, and your face might have blushed. This was the physical response to these chemicals being released in your brain and body. This may not have been enjoyable, but the funny thing is you probably remember the right answer to this day. By making this error publicly you were not able to shift the blame to something or someone else. This caused these neuromodulators to be released which tagged that memory to be stored for good. However uncomfortable this primal system may be, it’s the quickest way for adults to alter or change behaviors. Creating a happy and delusional little narrative every time you mess up negates this system, and almost guarantees you stay right where you are.
This seems simple but I encourage you to understand how quickly we fall back into rationalizing our behavior and the consequences associated with that behavior. Last month I set out to do four weeks of strict Carnivore Diet. All I could eat was meat, eggs, salt & pepper, and water. By week two I would have sold the naming rights to my firstborn child for some garlic powder. The way everything tasted started to blend, and I was dying for any new flavor. The idea to add garlic powder was a completely rational thought. It was Zero net carbs, and it would not have had any effect on what I was setting out to do. However rational it may have been, it's where most people fail when it comes to diets, working out, or changing their behavior. By adding in even one spice, I'm telling my brain that deviation from the plan is ok. This is an issue after I eat this now delicious food as it causes the release of dopamine. Dopamine as many of us know, makes us seek out more of whatever it was that made us feel good. Unfortunately, dopamine is a chemical and does not differentiate between garlic and ditching my plan. These two events happened simultaneously causing the pleasure I got from flavor to also be associated with ditching my diet. Four days later this may be the addition of hot sauce, followed by a hamburger bun, etc., until I'm back to my old habits. This chain of reasoning seems extreme, but it's why the average New Year’s Resolution lasts less than 32-days. We are constantly over rationalizing our behavior to build happy narratives that are quite literally changing our brains.
Fortunately, this system does not doom us, but rather it offers an opportunity for us to utilize our biology to change our behaviors quickly and efficiently. The first step is to stop creating neat and tidy narratives about our errors and accept mistakes as the biological fuel of growth. When you begin to feel frustrated or angry with a task, try to accept that it's just your system working. When you can take a step back and realize the emotions you are feeling are nothing more than chemicals released in your brain it opens you up to lean into the adversity that you are facing. This is the first step in changing your behavior, find more errors.
We all have those days where we feel like we didn’t have time to work out and use that as our excuse for not getting it done. Instead of reinforcing that, look back at your day and figure out how you could have rescheduled it or been more efficient to get that work out in. By recognizing this error, you are signaling your brain that change is necessary. This won’t happen overnight but making a conscious effort to find your mistakes vs. burying them will lead to positive behavioral changes.
The magic happens when small corrections to these errors begin to occur. Say the next time you are in a situation where you just don’t have time to work out you squeeze in 50 pushups. You still get the chemical cocktail that supports learning but by adding in 50 pushups you also release dopamine. As you may remember from above, dopamine is released in response to something pleasing and causes us to seek out more of whatever that thing was. The smallest correction of adding in 50 pushups makes your brain want to seek out adversity even more. Over time this starts to make challenging adversity feel good. In your brain, these are just chemicals - but to you, this will manifest as the motivation to continue finding and facing your mistakes.
Knowingly or unknowingly, this is the system that the successful people we idolize use. Through consistent effort, they have altered the chemistry within their brain to the point where making a mistake or doing something challenging feels good. This opens them up to increased learning and makes behavioral changes much easier to accomplish. Knowledge of knowledge is power. Nobody likes discomfort, which is why so many of us quickly shift blame and responsibility for lazy or poor behavior to something that we deem out of our control. If you break a diet or miss a workout OWN that shitty feeling that comes with it, knowing it will make you better. To make mistakes is human but so is growth - so quit hiding from your mistakes and use them to shape the person you want to be.
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